Abra Goes

on theatre, running, writing, and looking up

By Appointment Only

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A little troll terrorized the left side of my face this weekend. Not being a doctor, not knowing any doctors, and not having health insurance, I attempted to pull up my bootstraps and cure myself of this affliction.

First, the makeshift medical practitioner must pin point the source of the pain. I isolated this source to three possible locations – jaw, ear, brain.

Second, consume beverages and food of extreme temperatures, such as popsicles, tea, and cooling cucumbers.

Third, consult your peers. Go to Google, yahooanswers, and webmd. List your symptoms and wish for a medicine man to move next door.

Fourth, allow the mystical ways of the internet to lead you to a home remedy site that doesn’t promote the herbal pill of the month club.

Fifth, read all of the home remedies that apply to your symptom and proceed to devise your own cure by combining everyone else’s.

Sixth, Gargle hot water with salt then stuff dry oregano along the gums. Take 2 Advil. Apply Icy Hot to outside of face. Massage face. Apply icy hot again. Add two cloves to mouth concoction for good measure.

The result: I don’t know why, but I’m still in pain…though the swelling has gone down to be unnoticeable. And as long as I don’t speak, smile, or eat I’m fine.

Oddly enough, every time I went running this weekend I managed to shake the troll.

ABRA MILES – 17.2 / 42

TOTAL FOR 2008 – 59 / 500


Written by abragoes

February 11, 2008 at 5:04 pm

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